Duke Nukem's been out of bubble gum for over 13 years and it's safe to say he's long overdue to kick some ass. He'll get his chance to do that starting tomorrow, June 14th, when Duke Nukem Forever finally launches, and for those with the requisite hardware, you'll get to see him stomp on alien scum in 3D. That's because Nvidia today announced DNF will provide full support for its 3D Vision platform.
There's a reason your mother was always telling you to clean your room as a kid and to keep your things organized. She was training you for times like this when, after waiting more than a decade for a game you preordered, you'd be able to waltz into your local GameStop with receipt in hand and get your copy before everyone else. Yes folks, GameStop is honoring those preorders from long ago, provided you held onto the necessary paperwork.
The recent rapture stir may have left its biggest advocate with a Rocky sized helping of egg on his face, but that's because he failed to take one thing into account: the world can't end until Duke Nukem Forever comes out. Now, though, it seems that Duke's finally ready to emerge from his dressing room and clear the way for zombies, robots, manticores, or whatever else is planning to swiftly and brutally remove us from this earth. That's right. No doubting it this time. Duke Nukem Forever is 100 percent complete. It's gone gold.
We know, we know, as crazy and unfathomable as it sounds, Duke Nukem Forever's launch is being pushed back. Who would have guessed? Okay, so maybe everyone could have anticipated yet another delay, but at least this time it's only being held back a month and will ship in June (hopefully) instead of May, as originally planned (actually, it was originally supposed to ship over a decade ago). Still, we have to hand it to Gearbox for keeping a sense of humor about the whole thing, which is really all they can do given DNF's comical history of delays.
Even after Gearbox took the reins on Duke Nukem Forever's development and let us – with our own verifiably existent hands – take it for a test drive, it was still pretty darn surreal. And come on: the hulking hero's comeback was given a vague “2011” release window. At that point, DNF may as well have bought itself a big ol' multi-story condo two inches outside of Delay City. Looks like it's time for us to eat crow while Duke chews gum and kicks ass, however, because Gearbox has finally nailed down a release date: May 3, 2011.
“When I said goodbye to 3D Realms and the original Duke Nukem 3D team in 1997 and soon after founded Gearbox Software, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that a day like today would come,” Gearbox president Randy Pitchford told Game Informer. “Today I am proud, humbled and even astounded to announce that the day is coming at last for all gamers to be a part of video game history: Duke Nukem Forever will launch worldwide this May.”
So there you have it. Or rather, you will have it – in only a few short months. And don't forget that a pre-release demo's set to lead the charge, although Gearbox still hasn't given it a concrete date just yet. Regardless, after countless ups and downs, one of gaming's longest rides is nearly at an end. Aw man, now things are feeling all surreal again. At this rate, we'll probably need to beat the game three or four times while pinching and punching ourselves before it sinks in that, yeah, DNF finally, really, irrevocably exists.
For those who've been out of the loop for the past few months, videogames have come under fire again. Shocking, we know. This 4858272052nd verse, however, isn't quite the same as the first. See, the stakes are a fair deal higher. It's the gaming industry versus Arnold Schwarzenegger round two, and this time, we'll be trading blows and ogling ring girls in the hallowed halls of the Supreme Court. Positive precedents or not, the worst case scenario here could result in mature games essentially being labeled as pornography – in all likelihood a one-way ticket off retail shelves, permanently.
Gearbox boss Randy Pitchford, of course, knows a thing or two about mature games. As a result, he's of the opinion that we need to send these gaming industry “bullies” packing once and for all.
“Seriously, things like Duke really aren't offending anyone. But some people need to act like they do, for some reason,” he told CVG. “Sometimes people will say: 'You know what, that offends me.' And that's fine. If something offends you, you have to decide how to deal with the the best way you can.”
“But it's when people decide: 'Well that offends me, so now it should offend everyone else. And, in fact, because I think it should offend everyone else, I believe that we should make a rule about such things.' Those people just need to get the f*ck off the bus. That attitude is not helpful to any of us - for anyone to think that they should impose their own morality on anyone else in this world. Those guys just need to go away, and just stop,” he explained.
“Unfortunately, those are the bullies, and we tend to let bullies bully. We need to stop them. We need to get away from those people - certainly take the keys away from them. Do not let them play with the sharp objects.”
Among other things, the ECA's hosting a rally in Washington DC on the day of the hearing. If you're in the area on November 2, it'd be well worth your time to attend. Whether or not it ends up having any effect, you'd still be doing something. Sad to say, this is one battle we can't win by sitting at our computers and clicking on our enemies until they die.
Last week, we reported that Gearbox was handing out gold slips to its magical Duke Nukem Forever factory to those who purchased the Game of the Year Edition of Borderlands. The main perk of said First Access Club? Why, that'd be early access to next year's Duke Nukem Forever demo. Of course, plenty of players immediately read between the lines, and the ones who did so with their faces too close to the page got jabbed in the eye by a big ol' middle finger to early Borderlands buyers. Or so they thought.
Turns out, anyone who bought Borderlands on Steam – whether they stuffed the game and its bazillion guns into their PC yesterday or yesteryear – has been given a code to get into the club. Just click on Borderlands in Steam, select the CD key tab, and you'll find your code there patiently waiting for you -- like a loyal and trusty hound, except better because it brings you videogames.
The First Access Club doesn't appear to be operational just yet, but we'll let you know when it is so you can make arrangements to brag at your friends accordingly. While the demo will likely be the main event, Gearbox has also promised a “wealth of goodies,” which should be exciting to people who like free things, which is everyone ever.
You may have raised an entire family in the time that it’s taken Duke Nukem Forever to reach near-completion, but Duke hasn’t become family friendly by any stretch of imagination. Duke’s words speak louder than most people’s actions, and his actions speak louder than some Vuvuzelas. We’re talking about a man whose idea of banter with his foes involves tearing off their heads and s***ing down their necks. And he’s had more than a decade to put his razor-sharp tongue to the grindstone.
The result? Well, strippers are a lock, of course, which means gratuitous nudity can’t be far behind. Then there’s the violence, which includes Duke’s disturbingly gleeful willingness to resort to genital mutilation against his alien foes. And then there’s that whole bit with the two, erm, ladies of the night where… things are heavily implied.
Gearbox, at the very least, harbors no delusions that Duke’s larger-than-life legacy will get him a free approval stamp from the ESRB. Speaking during a recent London press event, Gearbox boss Randy Pitchford acknowledged that the ESRB will "not exactly be approving of this." And the big, Duke’s boot-shaped kicker? We’ve been told by Gearbox that what we’ve been shown so far is the “tame” stuff.
That sound you’re hearing? That’s the M-rating. It’s sobbing. Why? Because Duke Nukem wakes up every morning and has 100 Mafia IIs for breakfast. Granted, we do have to worry a bit here. After all, if Duke Nukem gets dipped in glue and dropped in a bucket of sensor bars and strategically placed blurs, what happens to his appeal? Duke Nukem is offensive on purpose. It’s what he does. It’s why he makes us laugh. A compromised Duke Nukem, then, might as well not be Duke Nukem at all.
Are you a rabid Borderlands fan who’s seen it all? Ned, Zed, Scags, Rakks, so many guys who want their “pound of flesh” that you feel like a small, locally owned deli – the whole nine yards? Well then, you have a very difficult decision to make.
See, Borderlands Game of the Year Edition won’t throw any curveballs your way. It’s the entirety of Borderlands and all its DLC in one spiffy package. Problem is, it holds that “small child buying a box of nasty sugared cereal appeal”; buy the game and you get a neat prize.
“This package will come complete with the entire extravasplosive Borderlands catalog and a free membership certificate for the Duke Nukem Forever First Access Club. This certificate entitles owners who register their unique key to a wealth of goodies, including early access to a sneak peek of the legendary, long-awaited video game - Duke Nukem Forever,” read a press release from Gearbox.
Granted, we still have no idea when the first Duke Nukem Forever demo’s gonna spit out its gum and start kicking ass, but this club will ensure you’ll be among the first to play it. The Borderlands Game of The Year Edition will run you $49.99 – a fantastic deal if you’ve never played Borderlands or its DLC. If you have, though? Well, you’ve waited more than a decade, right? What’s – in all likelihood – an extra week or two?
Duke Nukem fans owe Gearbox a Thank You card, because thanks to the Texas-based game development company, Duke Nukem Forever has morphed from arguably the most popular vaporware of all time to a game we now actually expect to ship on time (on time being 12+ years after the fact).
Still skeptical? After waiting more than a decade for a sequel, you should be. But to reaffirm that the game is on track, Gearbox is apparently taking DNF on a world tour starting with a live demo in Amsterdam.
Check out the 9 minute video below, just be warned this is Duke Nukem we're talking about, so it's probably not a good idea to click the play button at work or in front of small children. It has it all -- language, sexual content, violence, and of course drawing man parts on a dry erase board.