
I was going to open my inaugural column on personal computing by replacing the word “rifle” in the
Rifleman's Creed (
think Full Metal Jacket [
NSFW language]) with “computer.” In doing so, I realized a few things. First, it turns out an artist named 9000 already did that, with his piece
Turing Creed. Second, the metaphor only extends so far. And then it gets kinda weird.
This is my computer. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My computer is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it. I must master my life. Without me, my computer is useless. Without my computer, I am useless. I must use my computer true. I must use my computer faster than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must outcomputer him before he outcomputers me.
—9000, “Turing Creed”
This is my computer.
Okay, most of you have computers. Or you like computers. Or you have a friend who faxes you articles from our website to convince you to get a computer, except it doesn't help because it's like a foreign language to you, which your friend doesn't get because he thinks everyone should instinctively know what the heck a hard drive is and why it matters how fast it goes around in a circle. No? Anyway, let's assume you have a computer. And, because you're reading this on Maximumpc.com, we're gonna assume that your computer is not just a tool to you.
Which brings us to part two, after the jump.