Posted 05/13/09 at 06:00:33 AM by Nathan Grayson

Duke Nukem Forever may or may not be completely caput, but the autopsy’s already well underway. The findings of said dig through Duke’s remains include screenshots, movies, and – oh – the game’s entire storyline.
 
From what we could gather, Duke Nukem Forever was intended to be a linear shooter – not unlike Half-Life or something of its ilk – but, as is Duke’s wont, completely over-the-top. Apparently, Duke’s latest adventure begins with the big man having, er, relations with two assuredly voluptuous vixens and playing his own videogame. At the same time. If that’s not the American Dream, we don’t know what is.

Then aliens invade, as they sometimes do, and Duke ducks into the Duke Cave (official terminology, not kidding) in order to suit up for a hard day of sharp-shooting and verbal emasculation. Shame he apparently forgets his gum. Again. From there on, Duke fights aliens (including classics like the Pigcop) at pretty much every location imaginable, both in space and on our invasion-prone planet, until finally toppling the fathership and appearing on a talk show.

Gameplay concepts that were to be featured prominently in 3D Realms’ take on DNF include: a shrink ray, a tiny drivable RC car, jetpacks, nukes, playing as a character named Bombshell, and something called the Devestator. 12 years? We would’ve waited 20.
 
To be honest, though, DNF doesn’t sound like it would’ve been the Greatest Game of All Time. Good? Probably. But with its tumultuous development history, it likely wouldn’t have turned quite as many heads as it would’ve rolled eyes. Even so, the game does sound like more of what made Duke 3D so much fun, and we’re still holding out hope that it’ll be finished and released eventually.

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Posted 05/07/09 at 01:59:52 AM by Nathan Grayson

Remember kids, sloth is one of humanity’s greatest vices. Practice it for too long – like, say, 12 years or so – and you might even incur some form of consequences. Today, said scythe finally fell atop Duke Nukem Forever developer 3D Realms, ending its storied run once and for all.
 
3D Realms webmaster Joe Siegler supplied the developer’s final gasp, simply saying, “It's not a marketing thing. It's true. I have nothing further to say at this time.”

However, Duke might not be down for the count just yet. Duke Nukem Forever publisher Take-Two issued a statement concerning the closure.
 
"We can confirm that our relationship with 3D Realms for Duke Nukem Forever was a publishing arrangement, which did not include ongoing funds for development of the title," said Take-Two VP of communications Alan Lewis.

"In addition, Take-Two continues to retain the publishing rights to Duke Nukem Forever," he added.

So maybe they’ll cart Duke’s half-assembled form over to some other developer. Or perhaps they’ll just develop the game internally. Who knows? For now, Take Two ain’t sayin’. We suppose, though, that it’ll be pretty easy to tell when/if Duke Nukem Forever finally kicks the bucket. After all, city-leveling tidal waves, lava geysers, and other such signs that the balance of earth has been irrevocably altered aren’t too difficult to spot.

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