20 Must-Have Geek Ringtones and Text Message Alerts (And 10 to Avoid!)

Norman Chan — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 22:00:21 -0600

Forget the lessons of Tyler Durden. The things you own define who you are. And nothing makes a bigger statement than your cell phone ringtone. Your ringtone gives valuable insight for everyone within earshot about your preferences and personality -- information with which they'll use to judge you (and yes, you're always being judged). You don't want to be the guy sitting in a quiet lecture hall when your phone suddenly starts blasting the latest Fallout Boy single. That tells neighbors that you have poor taste and probably cry yourself to sleep at night. No, you want to be the guy who has Europe's The Final Countdown chime in at opportune moments, letting that cute hipster girl nearby know that yes, you too are a fan of Arrested Development.

For geeks and techies who want to attract like-minded compatriots, we've compiled a list of the top 10 must-have ringtones to own. Any respectable tech/gadget/sci-fi aficionado should have these tones stored on their phones at all times, alternating the chimes in a daily rotation to prevent them from getting stale. We've also included a definitive list of the 10 coolest text-message alert sounds, as well as the most clichéd and obnoxious ringtones and alerts that must be avoided at all cost.

10. Dial-Up Modem Sequence

Retro is in, and there's nothing more old school than the familiar sequence of a dial-up modem. All technies born before 1990 have it memorized by heart, and can duplicate the entire string of beeps and buzzes with their vocal chords. "What's that sound? Oh, it's just the internet calling me."

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?2zebltdcelz

9. Futurama Theme

Cancelled before it had an opportunity to jump the shark, Futurama is three parts space drama and five parts pure genius. The catchy theme was inspired by a 1967 song called Psyche Rock, and contrary to popular belief, was not written by Danny Elfman. But you knew that, of course.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?z0hsjxjrvj4

8. Hiphopopotomas (Flight of the Conchords)

Flight of the Conchords are the epitome of geek cool, and nothing says "I like both offbeat humor and mad beats" like the second verse of Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenocerous.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?bmvjzg9wtln

7. Windows 95 Startup Tone

All PC users should recognize this classic arpeggio, which greeted you at the Windows 95 splash screen. This six-second chime ushered in the modern PC computing era, and was appropriately composed by ambient music master Brian Eno.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?mymydyuydym

6. R2D2

Before Wall-E strolled into the hearts of moviegoers, R2D2 was the little robot charged with charming a generation of science fiction buffs. As your ringtone, R2D2 becomes your personal co-pilot and starship mechanic. Just don’t tell his life partner, C-3PO.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?tzejxwmtxkx

5. TIE Fighter Theme

Who needs shields or life support? TIE fighters are agile and speedy starfighters, powered by large solar panels and armed with rebel-toasting lasers. Use their theme as a ringtone to let Jedi-fanboys know that your loyalty lies with the empire.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?2mcgtljvzwe

4. Kill Bill Theme

Sure, Tarantino’s two-part revenge epic would’ve worked better as one long movie (we’re partial to part one), but Kill Bill is packed with enough memorable scenes to fuel its own subset of popular culture. One of our favorites? The tense showdown between Uma Thurman’s Bride and Lucy Liu’s O-Ren Ishii, set this awesome music clip.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?b1jfi9xbxzw

3. Ralph WIggum

"I bent my wookie." "My cat's breath smells like cat food." "Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!" Classic.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?jjbny1elyts

2.Code Monkey (Jonathan Coulton)

This nerd anthem by impresario Jonathan Coulton quickly captured the souls of legions of hard-working, warm-hearted code monkeys everywhere. Coulton, the quintessential geek singer-songwriter, releases his music under the Creative Commons license, and has inspired fan videos, dances, remixes, and even machinima. Show ‘em you’ve got excellent taste and hidden depths!

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?sffuyphrltm

1. CTU Phone Ring

The distinctive chime that rings on all CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit) telephones is serious business – calls made to CTU are a matter of life and death. Nothing gets between us and Jack Bauer power hour (except maybe ridiculous plot twists).

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?90dcjinb2mu

Read on for the top 10 text message alerts for geeks!

10. Post Beep

System builders are all-too familiar with this sound. It’s a stress-relieving chime that lets you know your computer has successfully booted. We’re simple folk, and that’s all the reassurance we need in our lives.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?t1x4a7yffye

9. Price is Right (Fail Horn)

Always funny when it happens to someone else (we've long given up on our attempts to make it on the show), the fail horn alerts contestants that they've failed a price-guessing game on The Price is Right. No jet ski’s or washing machine for you, mr. college student/generic retiree/suited-up serviceman!

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?qijjhf6nhc2

8. Murloc Gurgle

Love it or hate it, few sounds are more recognizeable to the 12 million players of World of Warcraft than the eerie gurgle of the Murloc. Short, fishy, full of teeth, and with the propensity to swarm unlucky adventurers, Murlocs inhabit the coasts of Azeroth's rivers, ponds, and oceans. Their trademark burbling yell spells doom to nooblings and easy fodder for experienced adventurers, and are sure to get a reaction. It's the ultimate geeky ringtone - obscure enough to confuse the average human, yet familiar enough to be an automatic 'in' with many gamers.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?s9gxrlm2nfh

7. Wookie Growl

Every time Chewbacca growls in The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, he's actually saying "Hey guys, why didn't I get a medal for blowing up the Death Star?"

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?gyy2zwyzyhh

6. Zelda Chest Opening Chime

Like the classic Skinner machine, 8-bit videogame classics rewarded you every time your on-screen avatar succeeded. Unlike the Skinner machine, Zelda rewarded you with a money shot of the loot (held aloft by a triumphant Link) and this timeless, uber-hooky 3 second mini-masterpiece. Put this on your phone and you'll get that "I won!" rush, every single time you get a text.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?8sm54s7rsde

5. KITT

Forget the Hoff and that snooty English dude. Remember the sweet, supercomputer-powered Trans-Am, with it's signature "whoom... whoom" scanning noise. True, that 1984 Trans-Am isn't as lustworthy today, and we don't have a sentient supercomputer buddy in my trunk, but everyone around me knows that we know what the Knight Rider score is, every time we get a text message.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?bdnsnwzmafj

4. Lightsaber Swoosh

Force, Schwartz, midichlorians, mojo, or whatever you want to call it -- setting your text message alert to a light saber swoosh lets the world know that you're packing.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?1ni2wmxxvdl

3. Battlestar Galactica Cylon

The hypnotic humming of a Cylon's red eye is both soothing and ominous -- these robots are out to kill you, you know. And even if modern cylons look like supermodels, we're still fans of the old centurion model that didn’t waste time with sleeper agents or psychological warfare. They just wanted to pulverize some meat bags.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?mgn3mh3xtln

2. Metal Gear Solid Codec Alert

"Snake...snakeeee!" Metal Gear Solid's codec lets you pretend that Otacon is paging you to give you some crucial recon data on the building you're infiltrating. Just make sure you're locked into the 141.12 frequency. Use this text message alert in Akihabara and otaku will nod their heads with approval.

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?8jftnbnsbvd

1. Star Trek Communicator

You may think your cellphone is more technologically advanced than a classic Star Trek communicator, but can your iPhone broadcast on subspace channels or break through atmospheric interference to contact orbiting starships? We didn't think so. Pay homage to the grandaddy of all cellphones and get this chime installed right away!

Download the ringtone here: http://www.mediafire.com/?deiviwymtcb

Continue to find out what ringtones must be avoided at all costs!

Ringtones You Absolutely Must Avoid!

Ringtones

5. The Halo Theme

Overplayed and overrated. Let the fratboys and jocks claim Master Chief's worn-out anthem.

4. “Is anyone there?” from Portal

We adored the innocently-voiced sentry drones in last year's surprise hit, but Portal in-jokes got old the 100th time we heard someone call the cake a lie.

3. That noise Will made when he fell off the Showdown bull

Will still has nightmares. He was never quite the same after the incident.

2. Star Trek Theme

Grade-A lady repellent. However, it's the perfect bait to lure unsuspecting Star Wars fans into Enterprise vs. Star Destroyer debates. Everyone loses.

1. Tay Zonday

What does Chocolate Rain even mean!?

Text Message Alerts

5. Wilhelm Scream

Think about it. It's someone screaming to their death every time you get a text message. We'd rather jump off a cliff.

4. Lumbergh's “Yeaaaaah” from Office Space

Please, don't be "that guy".

3. Timmmmay!

Honestly, we're bigger fans of Jimmy. His jokes are hilarious!

2. Leroy Jenkins

Only acceptable if you're planning a large raid on Blackrock Spire.

1. Apple startup chime

Can't you read? We're Maximum PC.

Originally posted: 2008-07-11 09:04:23

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