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Huh? ESRB Forces Valve to Change Left 4 Dead 2 Logo

Nathan Grayson — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:20:24 -0500

Here’s a weird one. Apparently, the ESRB – you know, the guys who make Tiger Woods play tennis and put age ratings on games – aren’t too keen on finger-removal. Lop off a thumb here or there and everything’s peachy, but mess with bling finger or pinky and things get real. How real? Well, according to Valve, real enough to warrant some serious alterations to its Left 4 Dead 2 logo.

Originally, Left 4 Dead 2’s disembodied hand was missing three of its digital digits, leaving only the pointer and middle to fend for themselves. The ESRB, however, wouldn’t stand for that, telling Valve that future marketing materials couldn’t include such a malformed mascot. As a result, now only the thumb is missing, which apparently complies with the ESRB’s stringent zombie hand guidelines.

We’d just like to – ahem – point out that Left 4 Dead 2 is an M-Rated game, full of blood, gore, and Boomer vomit. Two or more gnawed off fingers, though? That’s crossing the line. And who knows? Maybe a few missing digits on the front of the game box might ward off clueless parents more effectively than a tiny, easily obscured letter. Regardless, ESRB, sometimes we wonder about you.

Bethesda Pulls Fallout 3 Promotional Materials "In Connection with ESRB Guidelines"

Nathan Grayson — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 23:09:41 -0500

We can't help but feel for Fallout 3. When it's not having drugs pilfered right from under its nose, it's getting booted out of India. But, as the most oppressed and censored game since Barbie Murder Adventures (later toned down to the more family friendly Manhunt 2), it'd be anticlimactic if Fallout 3's launch week trotted in unhampered. Good thing, then, that Bethesda seems to have made one vocal Washington D.C. resident a little hot under the collar with a series of controversial promotional materials.

However, today's Fallout 3 ad removal is a tad perplexing, as it simply asks websites to cast all official Fallout 3 trailers into their Recycle Bins -- with no explicitly stated relation to the D.C. fiasco. Says the email from Bethesda marketing VP Pete Hines:

In connection with ESRB's advertising guidelines, you are instructed to remove immediately any of our Fallout 3 trailers from your website, pending further notice.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Pete

Our guess? Precautionary action -- brushing Fallout 3's "threatening" imagery under the rug to avoid more controversy. Great job on defending Bethesda's interests, though, (ESRB parent organization) ESA! So, who will the ESA tangle with next in its daring and valiant mission to "protect [game companies'] legal rights and legislative interests"? A quardiplegic kitten that licks people when its angry? An ally?

Game Theory: AO-K

Thomas McDonald — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 11:44:58 -0500

When the original Evil Dead was released, it became an object of morbid fascination among young horror fans for a single reason: It was unrated.

That’s right, Evil Dead was so sick and twisted it couldn’t even be rated!

Of course, we had to see it, which meant sneaking in. Did it warp our fragile little minds? Well, yeah, a bit. Did it turn us into antisocial mass murderers? Not that anyone can prove in a court of law, no.

And yet, it’s not something to which kids should have ready access. The limited rating was exactly right, even though efforts to keep us out were farcical. And this was only Evil Dead, which is positively tame compared to the torture porn crowding multiplexes now.

A few years ago, that torture porn made the leap from movies to games with the execrable Manhunt, a game of remarkable sadism and violence that still managed to snag an M rating, perhaps because the ESRB ratings board was busy fumbling under the couch for its crack pipe. By the time Manhunt 2 showed up on its desk (in its rollout console versions), the ESRB was off the pipe and serious about being a good example of how an industry can police itself. They slapped that sucker with an AO (Adults Only) rating.

Naturally, the perennially irresponsible Rockstar Games was simultaneously outraged and overjoyed. Outraged because many major retailers refuse to carry AO games, thus affecting the bottom line. Overjoyed because now Rockstar can play the oppressed artist who has to censor its own work in order to get it out. (“Unrated Director’s Cut Coming Soon!”)

Nonsense. If Rockstar valued “artistic integrity” so highly, it would release the game as-is using alternate retail channels, damn the results. That’s what Sam Raimi did with Evil Dead. But this isn’t a beleaguered artist pushing the bounds of free expression: It’s a company looking at the bottom line. It has no right to unfettered access to every corner of the marketplace. If Wal-Mart decides it doesn’t want to carry a product, then tough luck, buddy.

And here’s a little rule of thumb: If your “artistic integrity” relies in any way on Wal-Mart shoppers, then you don’t have any, so just shut up about it.