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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 2:11 pm 
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Location: Lost in a paper bag again...
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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2011 10:37 pm 
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ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM EXPLAINED WITH COWS:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for the five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheets are provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 12:03 pm 
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Dog Tease Click Here

OK, go ahead and bite the bastard.

Revenge Click Here

I don't think he will do it again.

This was on Wimp.com but when I went back for it, it was gone.

Must have gotten complaints.

I think I solved that with a little revenge for the dog


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2011 4:50 am 
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Talk about make your day Click Here


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 12:43 pm 
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On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts
and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several
dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you,
one for me...'

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and
the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When
the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if
we can see the Lord...?

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to
see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the
fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get
those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...?

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the
bike passed him.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2011 1:41 pm 
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Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been
able to access their command pathways?"
Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching
through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing
technology."


Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.


Riker looks puzzled:
"What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?"


Data turns to answer:
"Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason
called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside
their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources
at an unstoppable rate."


Picard:
"But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"


Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new
version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be
able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing
ability will be taken over and none will be available for their
normal operational functions."


Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable
geometric shape' idea."


... 15 Minutes Later ...


Data: "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all
resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the
expected 'upgrade'."


Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an
'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."


Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we missed."


Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'.
Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not
sending in their registration cards.


Riker: "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency
escape sequence 3F ..."


Geordi, excited:
"Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly
dropped to 0%!"


Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?"


Data: "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module
named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."


Picard: "Lets wait and see how long this 'Solitaire' can reduce their
functionality."


... Two Hours Pass ...


Riker: "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"


Geordi: "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep
space monitor beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from
something called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'.


Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"


Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest
time span of 6 more hours."


Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."


Picard: "Identify."


Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo!"


Over the speakers:
"THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.
WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS
SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU
HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."


Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and
released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."


Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"


Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward
the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they
survive deep space?!"


Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look
closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something
recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather
briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!"


Riker and Picard together horrified:
"Lawyers!!"


Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."


Data: "True, but apparently some must have survived."


Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with
pieces of paper."


Data: "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' --
it often proves fatal."


Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"


Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch. Not even the
Borg deserve that."


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:07 pm 
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Truly not a joke

The Sleepy Man Banjo Boys are three brothers from NJ.

The one with the banjo is 9 and started at 6.

http://www.youtube.com/user/sleepymanba ... gG8fsuGnhY

Check out the video with the dog


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 10:06 am 
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Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...

A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a check for couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those #*%@^$&#s at Home Depot ever deliver the $#@&!#*g sheet rock..."

> > > > Kind of brings a tear to the eye....


Sorry, is this is not new to you.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:41 pm 
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Subject: The very first public singing of "GOD BLESS AMERICA."


But before you watch, you should also know the story of the song. The time was 1940. America was still in a terrible economic depression. Hitler was taking over Europe and Americans were afraid we’d have to go to war. It was a time of hardship and worry for most Americans.

This was the era just before TV, when radio shows were HUGE, and American families sat around their radios in the evenings, listening to their favorite entertainers – and no entertainer of that era was bigger than Kate Smith. Kate was also large in size, and the popular phrase still used today is in deference to her, “It ain’t over till the fat lady sings.” Kate Smith might not have made it big in the age of TV, but with her voice coming over the radio, she was the biggest star of her time.

Kate was also very patriotic. It hurt her to see Americans so depressed and afraid of what the next day would bring. She had hope for America , and faith in her fellow Americans. She wanted to do something to cheer them up, so she went to the famous American song-writer, Irving Berlin (also wrote “White Christmas”) and asked him to write a song that would make Americans feel good again about their country. When she described what she was looking for, he said he had just the song for her. He went to his files and found a song that he had written, but never published, 22 years before - way back in 1917. He gave it to Kate Smith and she worked on it with her studio orchestra. She and Irving Berlin were not sure how the song would be received by the public, but both agreed they would not take any profits from “God Bless America ”– any profits would go to the Boy Scouts of America. Over the years, the Boy Scouts have received millions of dollars in royalties from this song.

This video starts out with Kate Smith coming into the radio studio with the orchestra and an audience. She introduces the new song for the very first time, and starts singing. After the first couple verses, with her voice in the background still singing, scenes are shown from the 1940 movie, “You’re In The Army Now.” At the 4:20 mark of the video you see a young actor in the movie, sitting in an office, reading a paper – it’s Ronald Reagan. Frank Sinatra considered Kate Smith the best singer of her time, and said when he and a million other guys first heard her sing “God Bless America ”on the radio, they all pretended to have “dust in their eyes” as they wiped away a tear or two…

To this day, “God Bless America ”stirs our patriotic feelings and pride in our country. Back in 1940, When Kate Smith went looking for a song to raise the spirits of her fellow Americans, I doubt she realized just how successful the results would be – for her fellow Americans during those years of hardship and worry, and for many generations of Americans to follow… Now that you know the story of the song, I hope you will enjoy it and treasure it even more. God Bless America !

NOW HERE IS HOW "GOD BLESS AMERICA " SHOULD BE SUNG !



http://www.israpundit.com/archives/3146 ... bb39ba8d,0


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 3:57 pm 
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Thanks for that.

The expression "It ain't over till the fat lady sings" actually originated as a common person's reaction to the operas of Wagner ('W' pronounced like a 'V' in German). It is a perception of Grand Opera, typically overweight sopranos, and perhaps the valkyrie Brünnhilde's final aria from Die Walküre or Götterdämmerung. So, this expression probably predates Kate Smith.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 4:55 am 
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It looks like the little water buffalo is in real trouble but things workout and it's interesting how it works out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:12 pm 
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The man who wrote the Hokey-Pokey died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into his coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble started.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:46 pm 
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mk96 wrote:
The man who wrote the Hokey-Pokey died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into his coffin. They put his left leg in. Then the trouble started.
Good one! Image


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:29 am 
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Made me giggle

I saved $5 coming home tonight dear
How did you do that?

I ran behind the bus

What a dummy, you could have run behind a taxi and saved $15


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:27 pm 
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Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I
happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for
directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was
assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have
free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:


************************************************** ***



CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
! Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You
could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put
the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


************************************************** ***

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...



Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more
beer when they saw the look on my face.


************************************************** ***



CHILI # 3 - FRED'S BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting drunk from all of the beer.


************************************************** ***



CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


************************************************** ***



CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if
I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges
asked me to stop screaming.


************************************************** ***



&! nbsp; CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
wipe my rearend with a snow cone.


************************************************** ***



CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he
is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava
to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what
killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


************************************************** ***



CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:01 am 
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Wow dedgar, now that was funny! Laughed through the whole reading.
I suspected the new entries would be repetitive but no; each entry was original and added even more laughs.
Thanks for that one.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 10:33 pm 
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"Tears"


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Thu Oct 13, 2011 6:15 pm 
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Last week while travelling I stopped at a Zany Brainy store and saw that they had a blimp for sale. It's called Airship Earth, and it's a great big balloon with a map of the Earth on it, and two propellors hanging from the bottom. You blow up the balloon with helium put batteries in it, and you have a radio controlled indoor blimp.

I'd seen these things for sale in Sharper Image catalogs for $60-$75. At Zany Brainy it was on clearance for $15. What a deal!

Last night my wife was playing tennis and it was just my daughter and I at home. I bought a small helium tank from a party store, and last night we put the blimp together.

Let me tell you, it's quite a blimp. It's huge. The balloon has like a 3 ft diameter.

We blew it up with the tank, attached the gondola with the propellors, and put in batteries.

Then we balanced the blimp for neutral bouyancy with this putty that came with it, so it hangs in the air by itself neither rising nor falling.

It was easy and fun, and then I blew up another balloon and made Mickey Mouse helium voices for my daughter.

My three year old girl loved it. We flew the blimp all over the house, terrorized the dog, attacked the fish tank, and the controls were so easy my daughter could fly.

Let's face it, blimps are fun.

Alas, the fun had to end and my daughter had to go to sleep. I left the blimp floating in my office downstairs, my wife came home, and we went to bed, and slept the sleep of the righteous.

At this point it is important to know that my house has central heating. I have it configured to blow hot air out on the ground floor and take it in at the second floor to take advantage of the fact that heat rises.

The blimp which was up until this moment a fun toy here embarked on a career of evil. Using the artificial convection of my central heating, the blimp stealthily departed my office. It moved silently through the living room and drifted to the staircase. Gliding wraithlike over the staircase it then entered the bedroom where my wife and I lay sleeping peacefully.

Running silently, and gliding six feet or so above the ground on invisible and tiny air currects it approached the bed.

In spite of it's noiseless passage, or perhaps because of it, I awoke..... That doesn't really say it properly. Let me try again.

I awoke, the way you awake at 2:00 AM when your sleeping senses suddenly tell you without reason that the forces of evil on converging on you.....

That still doesn't do it. Let me try one more time.

I awoke the way you awake when you suddenly know that there is a large levitating sinister presence hovering towards you with menacing intent through the maligant darkness.

Now sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night thinking that there are large sinister and menacing things floating out of the darkness to do me and mine evil. Usually I open my eyes, look and listen carefully, decide it was a false alarm, and go back to sleep.

So, the fact that I awoke in such a manner was not all that unusual.

On this occasion I awoke to the sense that there was a large menacing presence approaching me silently out of the gloom, so I opened my eyes, and there it was! A LARGE SILENT MENACING PRESENCE WAS APPROACHING ME OUT OF THE GLOOM, AND IT COULD FLY!!!

Somewhere in the control room of my mind a fat little dwarf in a security outfit was paging through a Penthouse while smoking a cigar with his feet up on the table, watching the security monitors of my brain with his peripheral vision. Suddenly he saw the LARGE SILENT SINSITER MENACING FLOATING PRESENCE coming at me, and he pulled every panic switch and hit every alarm that my body has. A full decade's allotment of adrenaline was dumped into my bloodstream all at once. My metabolism went from "restful sleep mode" to HOLY SH*T! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE OR DIE!!!! mode" in a nanosecond. My heart went from twenty something beats per minute to about 240 even faster.

I always knew this was going to happen. I always knew that skepticism and science were mere psychological decorations and vanities. Deep in our alligator brains we all know that the world is just chock full of evil and monsters and sinister forces aligned against us, and it is only a matter of time until they show up. Evolution know this, too. It knows what to do when the silent terror comes at you from out of the dark.

When 50 million years worth of evolutionary survival instinct hits you all at once flat in the gut at 200 mph it is not a pleasant sensation.

Without volition I screamed my battle cry (which is indistinguishable to the sound a little girl makes when you drop a spider down her dress (not that I'd know what that sounds like)) and lept out of bed in my underwear.

I struck the approaching menace with all my strength and almost fell over at the total lack of resistance that a helium balloon offers when you punch the living sh*t out of it with all the stength that sudden middle-of-the-night-terror produces.

It's trajectory took it straight into the ceiling fan which whipped it about the room at terrifying velocity.

Seeking a weapon, I ripped the alarm clock out of its plug and hurled it at the now High Velocity Menacing presence (breaking the clock and putting a nice hole in the wall.)

Somehow at this moment I suddenly realized that I was fighting the blimp, and not a monster. It might have been funny if I didn't truly and actually feel like I was having a legitimate heart-attack.

On quivering legs I went to the bathroom and literally gagged into the toilet while shaking uncontrollably with the shock of the reaction I'd had.

Unbeleivably, both my wife and daughter had completely slept through the incident. When I decided that I wasn't having a heart attack after all I went back into the bedroom and found the blimp which had somehow survived the incident.

I took it to the walk in closet and released it inside where it floated around with the air currents released from the vents in there. I closed the door, this sealing it in, and went back to bed. About 500 years later I fell asleep.


***

At about 7 am my wife awoke. Remember, she had been playing tennis and wasn't aware that our daughter and I had assembled the blimp the previous evening, and that is was now floating around the the walk-in closet that she approached.

The dynamic between the existing air currents of the closet and the suction caused by opening the door was just enough to give the blimp the appearance of an Evil Sinister Menace flying straight towards her.

This time the blimp did not survive the encounter, nor, almost, did I, as I had to explain to my very angry spouse what motivated me to hide an evil lurking presence in the closet for her to find at 7 am.

I can order replacement balloons on the internet but I don't think I will.

Some blimps are better off dead.


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:11 am 
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Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 8:06 am
Posts: 2057
Location: Indiana
:rofl: << we don't have that smiley here, but it's the one I would use if we did.

That reads like a Dave Barry column. Thanks for the laugh!


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 Post subject: Re: J O K E Thread - We want your best - Skip the rest
PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:45 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 9:26 am
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Location: Dixon Springs, TN
The 7 kinds of sex:

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine , and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.* This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex..*
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.


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