Skyrim is utterly staggering. There's just so much of it. So much to see. Some much to discover. So much stuff. Predictably, everyone on earth can't stop playing it, and all of society has ground to a screeching, swerving, slow-mo-exploding halt. And when people aren't playing it, they're gabbing on about it incessantly. “I did this, I did that, I kissed a dragon and I liked it.” I get it. You can do things. You want a cookie? I want a cookie. Cookies are pretty great. Where was I? Oh, right: I think it's time for a change of pace. So here are roughly a billion things I can't do in Skyrim.

Generally speaking, we love Steam so much that we occasionally drift off and daydream about long walks on the beach with it, but nothing's perfect. No two ways about it: Steam's been breached, and – though it's faring a lot better than a certain console-based gaming network so far – it's not exactly the prettiest sight. The long and short of it? Your credit card info may be out in the wild, but it's wrapped in a nice, warm blanket of encryption. That said, monitor it closely, and change your password right now. So that's our bit. Now then, play us off, Valve's Gabe Newell.

DRM is like a bad joke: Generally, the only person laughing about it is the one who let it loose in the first place. Every once in a while, though, somebody hits the nail on the head, and we all get to fuel our mirth with some clueless pirate's enraged tears. Does that make us bad people? Maybe, but still: Hahahahaha. Ahem. So anyway, Bohemia Interactive recently bagged itself a big one using a copy protection scheme called FADE. How's it work? Well...