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At first, we were going to go with “Soldiers Win War,” but that actually describes the end of almost every war in history, so we decided to be a bit more specific. So, with that out of the way, here’s the nitty-gritty: Soldiers rocket-jumped their way right up to 6,406,065 kills, but Demomen did their greatest forefather (that we know of), William Wallace, proud and went down fighting – resulting in 6,372,979 Soldier casualties.
As a reward for murdering more Scotsmen than there actually are in Scotland, the Soldier gets a new pair of shoes. These shoes, called “The Gunboats,” are outfitted with the latest in shock-absorbing technology – by which we mean they can absorb explosions. The result: decreased damage taken while rocket jumping.
On top of that, in order to lure out some fresh blood, Valve’s hosting a free weekend of Team Fortress 2, which is already in progress. Or, if you’d rather cut out the middleman, simply buy the game at its discounted price of $9.99. Now then, we’re done talking at you. Go spend the weekend with those who really matter: a bunch of faceless online folks – most of whom you plan to shoot on sight.
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