Photo Awesome Awesome #13: Nathan and Alan's Modeling Career

Posted 12/10/2010 at 6:51pm | by Alan Fackler

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Hey all, let me begin by apologizing for a super un-awesome lack of Photo Awesome these past two weeks.  We’ve all been under the gun a bit—we’ve only got to put out two full issues of content in the next week or so—no biggy, right?  Wrong. 

Anyhow, we’re making good progress, and I was sure to make Photo Awesome a priority this week.  What do I have for you?  I've got a bunch of new Maximum PC wallpapers, but first, I'd let's talk a little about our last cover! 

If you picked up a copy of December’s issue (which we’re sure you did), you may have noticed a strikingly handsome man on the cover in a bitchin’ suit.  You’re not going to believe this, but that striking man with a piercing stare wasn’t a paid model.  Nay, dear readers.  That man was me. 

Alas, my illustrious modeling career begins.  I call this look "The Bear Stare".  It wasn't taught to me, you simply acquire it after battling and defeating one or more bears.  With your mind.  

I've decided that I've got what it takes to be America's next top model, and after reading the following paragraphs, I hope you agree.  I touched on the difficulty of achieving the "Tech Preview 2011" shots in my lab notes that month, but I'd like fully explain how these images were taken.  You'll find the abridged version from the magazine below.

A few months ago, our Editorial Director Jon Phillips informed me that I would be needed for a “quick photo shoot” in a few weeks.  “No problem” I told him.  I had no idea what I was getting into. 

Now let me tell you bit about how these suits are supposed to work.  These high tech suits are designed to keep an engineer or scientist completely sterile—they’re damn near air tight, and include a breathing apparatus to keep the helmet from fogging while also maintaining a manageable temperature inside the suit.  That being said, the day of the shoot, I learned the monumental difference between a suit and a costume. 

Big difference, it turns out

This costume looked convincing, but it didn’t function the way the suit was supposed to.  In other words, we realized while taking test shots that I wouldn’t be able to breathe in order to get the pictures we needed, as breathing immediately fogged up the helmet and made the surrounding air in the helmet super, super hot, making me feel super, super faint.  A team effort was afforded to get these shots.  Let me explain. 

The suit was hot.  The strobes used to light the photo were hot.  Really, really hot.  The sphere you see in the cover image, before all the fancy computer parts were added in post production, was a 12-pound, white ball (I’m holding it with my finger tips, this too became extremely irritating).  In order to make these shots, our Art Director Natalie Jeday was assigned to ‘helmet detail’.  This essentially meant that I would get into position, pose, take a really deep breathe, then Natalie would run in with the helmet, put it on (which took about twenty seconds, mind you), and Mark Madeo, our photographer, would begin furiously shooting while yelling, “move the ball up Alan.  Now down.  Left!  LEFT!”.

You may not be able to tell because of my mad modeling talent, but I'm about to pass out in this picture

After not breathing for about a minute and a half in the air tight suit, I'd start to feel like passing out.  Natalie would then run over, remove the helmet, and I'd collapse to the floor in a sweaty mess, trying to catch my breath. 

We did this at least twenty times. 

Two hours later I had accepted the fact that if we didn't stop shooting, and soon, I was going to pass out.  Then, as he did for the last twenty or so times, Mark indicated to me that he was ready to begin the next round of shots by saying, “Alan, go pick up your ball”. 

I’ve realized now that I’ve begun rambling, so let me get back my main point: my bid for America's next top model.  As a reference, let me show you a standard modeling shot. 

OK, so he’s better looking than me.  Fair enough.  But I'm harder working.  How much of his time do you think this shot required?  Twenty minutes?  An hour tops, and he looks fairly comfortable.  The room temperature is probably quite cool, and I can assure you he isn’t holding his breath.  He probably got out of bed, threw some gel in his hair, spent some time in makeup and wrapped the shoot up before lunch.  He’s not working, in other words, he’s just sitting there.

And he probably got paid more than I make in a year to do it.  This is unacceptable. 

So fellow cover modeling star Nathan Edwards and I have decided that we're done with journalism, and instead are going to exploit our mad modeling skills in Hollywood (or Aspen, whatever).  We're going to be super famous and are frankly super confused that we didn't entertain this radical notion sooner.  We are professional models after all.

Don't think Nathan's got what it takes?  These bad-ass pictures prove otherwise. I'll let Nathan walk you through them. 

"Hoo boy.  I remember that shoot.  It was then I knew that I was destined for stardom.  You think that casual, dude-flying-a-kite look comes easily?  I got up at 2 AM that day to start my elaborate grooming ritual, then I flew that unwieldly kite all day in the hot sun while our photographers hovered nearby on their jetpacks, waiting for the perfect shot.  It paid off, though.  I recently landed a professional kite-modeling gig in Aspen.  So long, suckers!"

"Look at that guy.  I don't even know who that is.  Why are you asking me to comment on a picture of a man who is clearly not me?" 

It's an art looking this good. 

All joking aside, we do have some pretty bad-ass wallpapers for you to check out.  I'll leave them below.  Make sure and let us know in the comments what you'd like to see next week.  Have a super fantastic weekend everyone!