The Game Boy: The Future of Gaming As Predicted by E3 2011, Pt 1

Posted 07/20/2011 at 2:59pm | by Nathan Grayson

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E3 is finally far enough behind us that I can start to make sense of it. Taken all at once – it pretty much sounded like a bunch of ungodly screaming occasionally punctuated by the word “transfarring” (which isn't even a real word). You tried to roll with the punches, I'm sure – to stand before News Godzilla without fleeing while shouting something in badly lip-synced Japanese – but it eventually broke you. So, what happens next? Now that the news/preview/interview barrage dust has finally settled, what does it all mean? Well, since I did one of these things last year and I'm nothing if not a slave to habit, here are a few thoughts on this year's show.

Brand New Consoles That Are Already Behind The Times

Now: Nintendo took the wraps off its latest box-shaped chunk of insanity incarnate, christening it the Wii U. The machine's controller, however, stole the show, best resembling an iPad, but with buttons and sans, well, guts. That's right: the second this thing parts ways with the main console, it becomes nothing more than a Nintendo-branded paper weight. Meanwhile, Sony fired the next shot in the handheld war with the PSVita, which probably had Nintendo sweating bullets with a $250 price point, gorgeous graphics, and touch screens, like, everywhere. 

The Forecast: The future is now, and for the precise reason, these new consoles are already living fossils. First up, the Wii U, because yikes. Where to begin? With cloud gaming coming into prominence, what did Nintendo do? It unveiled a system with similar functionality (“Play your high-end HD game in another room!”) but with all sorts of extra strings attached. Wii U games on the go? Forget about it. The second you step outside your front door, your game hisses at the sun's hateful rays and scampers back inside.

And then there's the mentality behind the console itself. Allegedly, Nintendo hopes to be everything for everybody. Want hardcore HD muscle men with guns and stubble and cursing? Tuck the kids in tight, because Nintendo has you covered. But what if you just want to pet a Nintendog or work up a sweat with your Wii Balance Board? Well, the Wii U's got your back as well. In theory. But really, a bunch of third-party Xbox/PS3 ports (the bulk of Nintendo's E3 showing) and a nebulous online setup aren't going to woo hardcore gamers away from their current console loves. And a controller without the gee-whiz-gotta-have-it appeal of the original Wii – or, of more current relevance, Kinect – isn't going to have casuals turning Wal-Mart parking lots into warzones. It's a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none, and these days, that simply won't cut it.

Also, the Wii U controller's touch screen is based on original Nintendo DS tech. As in, it's optimized for a stylus and completely lacking in multi-touch. That may not seem like a deal-breaker, but in a world where six-year-olds are finding shiny new iPhones and iPads under the Christmas tree, there's a hardwired expectation that simply can't be ignored. If you leap into the tech world's fast lane and can't even keep pace – let alone speed ahead – you'll get trampled. It's as simple as that.

As for the PSVita, it's the same argument you've heard a thousand times, but it doesn't ring any less true: smart phones. They are the mobile gaming market now, and the 3DS is currently learning that the hard way. The PSVita, meanwhile, is what the original PSP needed to be, you know, back in 2005. From the looks of things, it'll be a fantastic platform, but it's also big, bulky, and unable to function as a be-all, end-all on-the-go device. This portable rally, then, appears to be a case of too little, too late. Why? Because Sony is going to be selling hardware at a tremendous loss with that $250 price point. Put simply, it needs a homerun here. Anything less just won't do.