With the recent hullaballoo over the dangers of talking on the the phone while driving, we couldn't help but be reminded of a real-world experiment our sister publication Mobile ran way back  in February 2005 about the very same issue. Using noted drinker Roger Hibbert as a guinea pig, they headed for the hallowed grounds of our local Malibu Grand Prix, carrying a phone, a stopwatch, a Breathalyzer, and bottle of 100-proof Absolut. Our goal: To find out if our subject could stay on the road while besotted or blathering. Our results will shock you to your very soul. Naturally, the tests are completely un-scientific, but it's a funny read, and the results are sobering (a-ha!) so we thought we'd repost it here for your consideration. Enjoy!

Is the cell phone really worse than the bottle? We drink and drive so that you don’t have to!

Fancy-pants scientists may say that cell phones may be worse than a nip of hooch when it comes to driving, so we did a quasiscientific and questionably legal experiment of our own to see just how seriously these twin menaces — cell phones and vodka — can affect driving ability.

Using noted drinker Roger Hibbert as a guinea pig, we headed for the hallowed grounds of our local Malibu Grand Prix, carrying a phone, a stopwatch, a Breathalyzer, and bottle of 100-proof Absolut. Our goal: To find out if our subject could stay on the road while besotted or blathering. Our results will shock you to your very soul.

TRIAL 1

Net alcohol consumption: Nil
Other encumbrances: Nil
BAC*: 0.00 percent
Average lap time: 1:05
General observations: Subject is having a good time, really enjoys competing with self and other Mobile PC staff members to improve time. Subject indeed experiencing “great family fun” as promised by Malibu Grand Prix (MGP) signage.

TRIAL 2

Net alcohol consumption: Nil
Other encumbrances: cell phone
BAC: 0.00 percent
Average lap time: 1:14
General observations: Due to strict helmet regulations at MGP, subject is forced to use speakerphone, which he holds in one hand. Driving is erratic, a little jerky due to one-handed driving, and very, very slow. Subject reports the phone is “very distracting” as he obliviously plows through the grass on the course.

TRIAL 3

Net alcohol consumption: 2 ounces
Other encumbrances: Nil
BAC: 0.01 percent
Average lap time: 1:04
General observations: Subject is driving well
but skidding frequently as he seeks to improve his time; he’s driving faster than during predrinking trials. Otherwise, quality of laps is similar to fully sober quality.

TRIAL 4

Net alcohol consumption: 4 ounces
Other encumbrances: Nil
BAC: 0.05 percent
Average lap time: 1:05
General observations: Mobile PC photographer Samantha Berg notes that she would have passed out after four shots, but subject is going strong. “I’m feeling it a bit,” reports subject, as he spills some on himself. Car is fishtailing and nearly stalls once, but speed is still consistent. Driving quality is clearly on the downswing.

Want to know what happens when you drive a go kart after taking 12 shots? Read on!