Future Tense: Nexus Netiquette



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If you cannot cowboy up and take charge of your own thoughts, emotions, and behavior, then YOU are the problem, not a poor loser or a kid or someone who likes to liven things up.

My wife, who was a psychiatric social worker, once showed me why. We were on a bus when a drunk came over and started touching her. She told him in a LOUD voice to go sit down (you have to talk loud to a drunk she told me later). He did and she went back to reading. I asked her "Didn't that guy bother you?" She said "Why should I let some poor drunk's bad behavior affect how I feel?"

Now that is easy to say and not easy to do, but WITH PRACTICE, you can learn to live with pretty much anything that is thrown your way. Pretend it is a game (heh) where some random person who you do not know is trying to make you upset. The winner is the one who is still calm at the end of the game.

The internet, forums, online games, and LAN games pretty much eliminates any real world inhibitions, language restraints, or codes of conduct for a lot of people. That is so obvious that tens of thousands of people have commented on it. Absolutely NOTHING you can do or say will ever have any sort of meaningful impact on it. So why let it bother you?




No offence to anyone, or to you, but man up, dude. Men are acting like little girls nowadays. In fact, everyone's acting like a little girl these days. Just watch people comment on my post asking me if I mean offence to little girls. If someone gets offended even in the least, they bring out their lawyers. I play mmorpg's and mmofps's, halo, all those games, so i understand the situation. To be perfectly honest, i've gotten offended, and there are perfectly good ways to deal with it, such as ignoring the idiot who's spewing trash at you. Not hard, see? The world will never get together, hold hands and sing happy songs around a campfire. It's life, so deal with it.



I beg to differ: I think that nuking your team-mate and then quitting is pretty much 'manning up', at least in the online context.

Treating other people like crap and insulting them is not terribly manly - particularly if one is doing it through the safety of an online chatroom.  Someone who insults me in a bar or on the street at least isn't a complete coward.

Ignoring someone flaming or trollling is only effective against people who are actively seeking attention, and doesn't have any effect on the other class concerned: idiots who just don't 'get it'.  They need to have a lesson taught to them - ignoring them is just rewarding their negative behavior with no negative consequences.

So, I think you should look carefully at the class of fool you are dealing with and act appropriately: ignore or nuke, as needed.



That's childish. Nuking leads to more nuking. Nuking and quitting makes you a quitter, and a person who can't deal with people. Ignoring people who want attention makes them shut up. Trust me man, i'd know.



Golly, it sure sounds like someone doesnt like that pesky old first ammendment very much now do they.


Hey i have to suffer the slings and arrows of christians daily. all i hear on TV is god this and jesus that, day after day. why should any self respecting athiest have to suffer the supernatural indulgences of a bronze age superstition who en-mass expect (demand) i forfiet my ability to reason and decide logicaly.

Funny that i dont hear anyone defend the rights of the logical minded athiest but will pander to cult religions of even the most non-sensical nature. This truely and honestly is grinding me down slowly over the years. and overly simplified articals like this make arguments that the world is black and white and every problem can be resolved by simply banning everyone that offends us without considering the consequences.            You have though of what happens if you force people to speak a certain way right????


Yea i have gay friends as well and dont like abusive behaviour but seriously, you will never ever live in a world where you will not have to hear anything offensive.  its just simply NOT going to happen. no matter how many games you ruin for others. do i really have to tell you that your speakers have a mute button? did you not see the kick player button?


get over yourself already.


sorry about the spelling errors...



I'm sorry to tell you this, but your friend should probably stick to LAN parties and not play online.  He handled the situation in the worst way possible.  How?  Think of it from the perspective of the innocent parties here.  You are playing your game and trying to enjoy it when two of the players get into a confrontation about real life beliefs (already red warning flags are appearing..you NEVER talk about real-life beliefs no matter how offended or adament you are about them). All of a sudden one of the two people nukes your base and leaves the game.

You know what that person has become now in the eyes of the innocent?  A bully.  A fiend that just ruined their game because he/she didn't have a thick enough skin to ignore some anonymous kid in a game.

So he doesn't like the "abuse" that occurs when some words are flung around haphazardly, and he takes revenge for that?  His justification is eerily similar to that which school shooters use to justify their actions.

Let me end this with a famous and cliche quote: "Welcome to the Internet". If I was offended every single time someone called me a dirty name, or insulted my sexual orientation, or slandered my parents, or pasted my religion, I would have dropped the internet as a whole 10 years ago. It all has to stop, but it is not going to due to human nature. You cannot force it to end and, quite frankly, should never try to force it. It is what you call freedom, with all the amazingly good things and horribly bad things that come with it. Forcing your opinion on someone by being an accessory to all the wrong-doing (and even escalating it) is not only wrong, it is counter-productive.



Nice article. Thought provoking.



I played in a no-swearing CounterStrike: Source server the other day and it was surprisingly fun. The guys in it didn't swear even on the microphone and they were a good fun group to play with. They were able to crack various jokes and stabs at eachother without 'bullying' or using swearing, obscenities or racism of any kind.

I was quite taken aback by the friendliness of the competition and although i had my 'donkey' handed to me i would probably go back to that server and play with that group again.



Very good article! Its pretty unknown but there is a Machinima Respawn Premier director that started an anti cyber abuse campaign called the KEN campaign with KEN meaning Keep Everything Nice.  I have been supporting it since the day I found out about it, the best way is to put KEN as a clan tag in your name.  

On dealing with them, thats another problem, personally i find that leaving is the worst thing to do because it give them the satisfaction of making you leave.  Personally I tell them to stop first then, if they don't I start a votekick if the game supports it, if not I will mute and tell everyone else to do so to if they are against said person, finally if they rejoin or the game I will start a voteban.  I have only resorted to the last option once and the guy though it was funny to do a DOS attack against me.

Anyways, enough of my rambling, here is the link to The Ken Burton Show, the person that started the KEN campaign http://www.youtube.com/user/thekenburtonshow?blend=1&ob=4 the more people that put KEN in there name the better.



The only context in which the word "gay" means lame or stupid is when used by the misguided to put a whole class of people down. This idea that the accepted meaning of gay is now changed because a bunch of hostile straight people think it's funny, is an excellent example of how the definition of the word bigotry has not changed. Note that I refrained from caling the people who misuse "gay" bigots. Their actions are bigoted, but that does not necessarily mean that the people themselves are correctly labeled as bigots. I, for one, wish that there were more players online like the guy described in the article and fewer who think that it is ok to abuse folks - especially through the use of language that is deeply offensive to LGBT people.



As a person who does tend to get a little over-excited at times, I have definitely flamed on people online (on MaxPC forums, too).  I do (perhaps incorrectly) distinguish between flipping out on someone for being an idiot, and tossing out derogatory terms at people simply to be a troll. There are certain terms that one just should not use, regardless of the situation - you covered those and I agree.

Gay: while it might be 'acceptable' for kids to say this now (yeah, right), when you communicate with another person, it is most important to take that own person's expectations and beliefs into account. If you don't consider the feelings of the person you are talking with, you won't have a positive interaction; 'just deal with it' is not a valid thing to say to someone who you are genuinely interested in communicating with.

I like that you have found a relatively distinguished way to deal with trolls and bigots.  I like that there actually is a good reason to maliciously nuke a teammate as well.  This would be great in Supreme Commander.

The part I like more is clearly communicating your distaste, then leaving and refusing to team with the person.  While that will surely turn on the few people who do troll for kicks, perhaps the carrot-and-stick tactic will work with some.  You have my vote, and my promise to use what you have outlined instead of just or ignoring behavior I find offensive in the extreme.



You bring up some interesting points. I think this expands to the poor use of comments forums, when they get filled with people flaming one another.

The use of words like "gay" make me think of language origins.

Remember, every word in every language was simply made up at one point, and didn't hold any meaning until it was repeatedly used in common communication.

It is by this repeated use that words can also change in meaning.

Gay used to mean "happy".  Then it meant homosexual. Now it seems to mean "it sucks."

This leaves a dicey proposition of when you hear the word, and which context it's being used in, it's one of those instances where being offended is actually a choice, if one can remain rational.

Instead, there is little point in focusing on the individual words being used at all. Instead, is the beratement being repeated and even escalating, as this clearly amounts to abuse.



...writing to Blizzard and urge them to moderate the chat lines a bit and hand out 24 hour banhammers to people ruining the game for all.  A simple button for "report this chat to a GM" would go a long way to quieting these jerks.  I know they won't be able to ban every jerk, and they won't be able to moderate every chat that happens, but you have to start somewhere.



Well i agree some chats get out of hand i think they could add in an option like in halo reach for playing in ames with or without trashtalking



I just deal with the fact that these terms have become synonymous with insults; your friend is overreacting to the empty banter of kids and trolls. While I don't agree with abuse, the worst thing you can do is encourage it by feeding the trolls with your rage and letting them derail entire matches. I just ignore the fact that people use "nerd" as an insult. I don't get mad. It's not that hard.

One of my favorite tactics is ramp up the fight but position yourself as a third party- battle royales tend to end quickly with silence. For example, if someone calls something "gay", I won't take offense or help them derail the match by "providing a dis-incentive to their behavior." It's much better to defend your "gay friend" on your team and cite a tolerant society in response to his confusion.

(P.S. calling something "retarded" often implies that the person responsible for it is retarded)



Because I am so familiar with this kind of abuse around me online, I'm glad someone is standing up to it. The worst game where I've had a problem is the Modern Warfare 2 P2P servers. [Yes, removing the 'kick' ability is crippling to online gameplay]. I would say that I was going to start telling people to 'STfU n00b' while they were being stupid, but I have slowed down on playing online games for the much better and more entertaining single player campaigns. [Save for a single, loving CSS server.]
Thank you for posting this, I'm glad someone with intellect could comment on this issue.

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